Last night I went to a random church with my best friend. We haven't been to church for a long time and decided it was time to get back into the habit. I really didn't have any expectations from attending church, but I was curious why we were led to that particular church.
Although I have strong faith, I've never been big on going to church because I have always believed that you can worship God anywhere and I've never understood all the different religions and their various doctrines. I guess I would call myself a non-denominational Christian. I like to listen to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen. I love their positive and uplifting approach to preaching.
I majorly went off my clean eating plan yesterday for reasons that seem like excuses, but I would say it was basically because I didn't consume nutritious foods which left me susceptible to self-sabotaging choices when it came time to refuel.
So, here I am sitting in the church listening to the preacher talk about how he cannot help his parishioners, that they must lean on God for understanding. He told a story of how he has only called upon his pastor three times in the past 15 years. He said when someone goes to the elder pastor he recommends that they fast on only water and pray for three days and then let him know if they still have a question.
Was that the message God sent me there to hear? Can I fast on water for three days and pray to get over food addiction? That is the question I want the answer to. I know I cannot do it alone. I know I am totally dependent on God to guide me and see me through. However, I believe I have been being like the pastor's flock and depending on others to guide me out of this storm. I highly value professional advice, but I know it doesn't hold a candle to God's will.
I really want to do the water fast and prayer, but Valentine's Day is Saturday and I'm pretty sure my husband will want to go out to eat. Do I go and just drink water? That will be a real test of my willpower which is already stretched thin.
OK, here's the plan. My birthday is February 23rd. I think I will start the water fast on the 19th which is the Chinese New Year and continue to my birthday which is a Monday. I always look at Mondays as a fresh start and with it being my birthday too, that's perfect timing. My prayer is to break the cycle of addiction and eat unprocessed, plant-based whole food from my birthday on. That is my intention and vision. If it is God's will, consider it done.
Daily Report
Exercise
50 Squat & Reaches
T25
Meals
B - 32 oz water
L - 15 Bean Soup, Apple salad with apples, raisins, walnuts
D -
Energy - 4
Gratitude Journal
1. I am grateful for faith
2. I am grateful for forgiveness
3. I am grateful for nourishing food
4. I am grateful for supportive friends
5. I am grateful for my eternal father in heaven who loves me unconditionally
Thirteen days in and I hit the wall. I knew it was bound to happen because I'm not eating enough greens. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of greens. I like spinach, celery (with peanut butter), steamed broccoli... that's about all I can think of. I've been putting spinach in my morning smoothies until I saw Chef AJ's video about smoothies not being optimal for weight loss - that's where I veered off course. I started focusing on weight loss again and got that defeated feeling that I compare to climbing Mt. Everest in shorts and sandals! I swore I wasn't going to focus on the weight. The journey seems insurmountable when I do that, but this old habit persona of mine that is addicted to S.O.S is very subtle and will abandon our pact in an instant to sniff out a carb!
I love Chef AJ and I thought I had found a wellness hack when I watched her video (see previous post), but then when I spoke to my plant-based nutrition coach she helped me put it in perspective which is I have to find what works for me. Smoothies are a good choice when transitioning away from the Standard American Diet (S.A.D.). Green smoothies are a great way to nourish your body especially if you aren't eating optimally. I have been eating a lot of calories from nuts, mostly walnuts because I love them, but they of course don't fill me up.
Today the electricity went out in our neighborhood and I had a houseful of family all saying they were hungry, so I stopped and got them pizza. Pizza is one of my favorite foods, but I committed to try the whole food plant-based unprocessed vegan lifestyle until at least July 4th. So, it was a stand off between the healthy girl and the junk food addict. The junk food addict has plenty of experience and cunning. She spoke up, in that sly fox voice, "You know Papa John's pizza crust is vegan!" Knockout! I know, it's not whole food, but it was right there in my face. It's like an alcoholic bellying up to the bar and ordering water. Very tough to do. I ended up tearing off the crust on a couple pizza slices and dipping them in the garlic sauce. Damn! I didn't want to do that, but I did and now instead of beating myself up about it, I'll just pick myself up and keep on moving on.
This incident proved to me that I am not ready to give up my smoothies just yet because at least it is nourishing me with the nutrients I need. I'm working on planning and preparing healthy and nutritious meals so I don't hit this wall again for a while. I've been at it for three years and do occasionally fall off track, but it gets easier each time to get back up again, dust myself off and keep on going. The glass walls still appear out of nowhere and I'm not quite to the place where I can bust right through them all yet, but after a few tries, I make it through to the next one. I know eventually those invisible walls will come down and I will achieve my dream of abundant health and energy!
